I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
What ever you see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful—-
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.
Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.
- Sylvia Plath
I misssss them. I miss them all. Friends from the past. I wonder why we have this inbuilt mechanism to miss people. It doesn’t seem very adaptive.
After smashing out some kilojoules on the bike, I feel a whole lot better. I have decided to make some changes though. I am going to put a lot less effort into others, and a lot more into myself. It’s time to be 100% comfortable with me. And then I am going to leave this place and have my own adventure, just the way I want it.
FUTURE SELF, DO NOT LET THIS CHANGE.
Fucking. Motherfucking FUCK. FUCK.
Cue loud angry music.
(Source: considerthishippie, via the-prozac-nation)
(Source: thewaitingarea)
I had a dream several weeks ago. I met this beautiful little baby. She looked like I did as a newborn, dark olive skin, fair blonde hair, except this little girl had the palest green eyes. When I woke, I felt like I knew her. I thought to myself, I just met my niece. I told my brother and his partner (who are pregnant), but they were (and still are) quite convinced that they are having a baby boy.
Anyway. About one week later, I had another dream, and this time Simone (my brother’s partner) had a four hour labour, and actually gave birth to a little boy. And I met the little boy. I woke up and I felt a bit strange, like, clearly they could not be the same child.
I mean, obviously it could all just be figments of my imagination. But I’m going to pretend it’s not. I have been thinking about the two dreams since then, and tonight something kind of clicked. What if the little girl I met was my future baby? I just know that if I have a baby it will be a girl.
I know it all sounds strange. But just let me indulge myself.
P.S. My brother told me tonight he wants to name his baby boy Walter. I think it is the most adorable name in the world. I don’t think Simone is keen, but maybe we can swing her around.
(Source: angelicamgonzalez, via fairdoos)
